When a child's anxiety or behavior begins to disrupt family life, parents often feel overwhelmed and unsure where to turn. Sarah LaFay, founder of The SEL Supply Co, helps families build the social and emotional skills that ease these struggles. In this interview, she shares how she assesses anxiety, when to seek extra support, and how parents can foster emotional intelligence at home.
Question 1: When a family first reaches out about anxiety in a child, what does your initial consultation typically cover?
Sarah begins by understanding how anxiety shows up in daily life. "Typically, I would want to know in what ways the anxiety is manifesting. Is there school avoidance, perseverance on where a parent is at all times or social anxiety, etc." She also asks how parents are currently responding and what their goals are, which helps her see both the present situation and the desired direction. To gauge severity, she uses a simple scale: "on a scale from 1-10, 1 being little to no life interference and 10 being it interferes in every aspect of daily life where they rate their child's anxiety." This helps her decide whether to support the family directly or refer them to appropriate care.
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Question 2: What are some everyday signs that a child's behavior might be more than just a phase, and when should parents consider extra support?
Parents often wonder if a behavior is a passing phase or something more. Sarah offers a clear guideline: "if the behavior is showing up in multiple settings (i.e. school and home or school and church, etc) and the behavior is lasting longer than a couple of months and interfering with learning/daily living... it would be wise to seek extra support." This cross-setting, duration, and impact check helps parents move from uncertainty to action. As Harvard Health notes, co-regulation—where caregivers help children learn to manage emotions—is a key part of this process.
Question 3: How do you help parents and children communicate better when conversations tend to end in frustration?
Communication breakdowns often happen in high-stress moments. Sarah's first advice is to pick the right time: "If you're trying to communicate in the morning in the rush of getting out the door you're likely going to end in frustration. Instead, be intentional and dedicate time to communicate without other distractions." She also recommends putting away screens and using "I-statements," like "I felt hurt when you couldn't pick me up from practice the other day. It is important to me that you pick me up." Finally, she reminds parents that "how you communicate depends a lot on the child's developmental abilities and age." This aligns with expert advice on age-based emotional regulation skills that emphasize tailoring strategies to a child's stage.
Question 4: What does a personalized support plan look like, and how do you tailor it to each family?
A support plan works best when it involves everyone in the child's life. Sarah explains: "The best personalized support plan looks like having all stakeholders in a child's life involved and supporting that child as best they can. This means involving teachers, coaches, additional family members, nannys, etc." The plan should be "simple, realistic, and most importantly always be in the best interest of the child." She stresses that behavior is not one-size-fits-all: "Every child is different, their needs are different, their homes are different and thus they require an individualized approach. Behavior is not one size fits all. It's a spectrum." And she offers a crucial reminder: "Behavior change is a long game. Behavior does not change overnight. It requires work and consistency." This patient, consistent approach is echoed by Child Mind Institute guidance on helping kids develop self-regulation skills.
Question 5: What is one thing you wish more parents knew about social and emotional support for their children?
Sarah's key message is that social and emotional skills are foundational. "Social and emotional skills are the foundation of learning." She encourages parents to build emotional intelligence at home by labeling emotions seen in books or TV shows: "By naming emotions, children can learn to identify those emotions in others and themselves." Once children can identify emotions, parents can add skills like self-regulation. She also urges parents to model emotional transparency: "Showing your emotions is not a weakness. It is important for kids to see not only the overwhelm, but how you recover and address those feelings." This practice of naming and modeling emotions is a core strategy in positive parenting approaches that help children thrive.
For families seeking more support, The SEL Supply Co offers resources and guidance to help you turn emotional hurdles into opportunities for growth.